i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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