The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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