and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
