just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
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I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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