Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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