I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
