it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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