whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
