Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
