i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dick very happy bro
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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