I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
