Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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