Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
