We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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