Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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