I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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