It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
