She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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