boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My penis needs a shock collar
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He did a backflip because drugs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
