I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
