Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
