also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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