Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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