I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
