if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
