You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
