Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
