If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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