I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
sex in a hospital.. check
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
