Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
