hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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