Nicole vs. Life
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
