we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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