New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
