Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There r osticjed everywhere
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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