Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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