Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
