I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
