so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
