Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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