I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
