I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
