I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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