The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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