If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
