i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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