omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
