I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I deserve this hangover.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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