how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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