Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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