Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
