There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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