Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
