pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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