yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Drunk is a universal language darling
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
