last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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