So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
