I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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