some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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