I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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