Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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