sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
