I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
