Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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