Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
