I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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