someone threw a dead crab at me
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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