Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
