***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize