Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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