if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
