its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
