I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
