Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
